December 2009
34 posts
new year's resolutions:
live like: leighton meester / blake lively
look like:keira knightley
act like:audrey hepburn
sing like:idina menzel / kristen chenowith
i'm 19 today!
and excited to go hard for the next week haha
[ps]
i’ve recently rediscovered how much i enjoy the sims. and glee. AND broadway.
thank you.
silence is deadly
watch it fall
and splatter on the floor.
shit, clean it up quick.
wouldn’t want that sweet rust color
stained into the floor.
to see me through the mirror,
is to watch a train wreck.
would you be here
if you knew what I did?
would you help
if you saw me this way?
would you speak up
in a crowd of hushed voices?
the correct answer, here,
is no.
screaming for it.
just stop me before i do something i regret.
help me to see i’m better.
hmmmm.
i have decided to make the first move because he won’t.
its all for you baby.
fuck me over.
you know you want to.
no you listen,
don’t act like this is new.
the only difference is
this time i’m giving you permission.
thats right,
take everything from me.
use me.
abuse me.
apparently,
i’m only here for your pleasure.
“if i should stay, i would only be in your way.”
scream it from the top of my lungs
your little comments
dont bite quite like they used to.
they would grab hold
and rip my heart to shreds.
but recently,
ive noticed a wall of stone.
that stone has fallen perfectly
to protect the delicate flesh that i hold dear.
that same flesh that was once so clean,
innocent,
pure,
perfect.
so whisper.
i relish the thought
that you might be saying
what you are too afraid to say to...
bliss.
diving in the water,
i feel the need,
so i swim down further
pushing more than ever before.
soon its black,
not the deep blue im used to.
no its darker.
i dont know which way is up,
but i swim anyway,
searching for an escape.
i am running out of air now.
i can feel my lungs straining.
i fear they will collapse soon.
where is the light?
where is the sun i so desperately need?
i swim...
untitled
all sights and sounds whirl by my head,
and i start to think i might be dead.
in the mirrror i see my fate;
i was killed by a heart of hate.
i start to cry but then realize
that no tears fall from my sad eyes.
here in my room
here in my room i can be myself here in my room i can do what i want there in my room you saw me cry there in my room you said goodbye but its here in my heart that i’ll keep you close here in my heart you will never leave
water
cold water surrounds me
and all i have is your strong hand.
god help me,
i don’t want to drown.
this is what i whisper
as i sink lower and lower.
this darkness is deafening though,
so i doubt that you or god can hear me.
but i whisper it anyways,
praying for a sweet release.
but it never comes.
no matter how tightly i hold to your hand,
it always seems to slip away from me.
thus...
my dear alice
follow the white mouse
as he scampers down that hole.
do you feel yourself floating?
after all, this is your wonderland.
one makes you larger,
and the other makes you small;
as the worm sits and laughs.
remember, this is your wonderland.
don’t cry, cant you hear the twins?
they sing softly to make you smile.
follow their voice, my sweet.
they lead deeper into your wonderland.
...
marionette
i am nothing but a doll on a string.
letting you do the work,
i am but a few chunks of wood;
eyes of glass with a painted face.
is this any way to live?
i dance for your pleasure,
to see your beautiful smile.
i am yours to do with what you want.
but take advantage of this,
because i wont be here forever.
i will cut these strings,
the ones that bound me to you.
i will be a real girl,
...
i need you
surround me with your warmth,
for this place is cold.
shower me in light;
im scared of this darkness.
heal my wounds;
they are too great in number.
stop these tears from falling,
i would hate to drown in them.
call my name
so that i dont feel so alone.
kiss me softly;
my heart has been numb for too long.
untitled
there is a corner of my mind
that will never see the light of day.
there is a corner of my heart
that you ripped away.
there is a corner of my soul
thats dead where it lay.
self-actualization.
while suspended in this black abyss,
i realize im alone.
as much as i dont want to admit,
my cold heart is dead.
now we ask the real question;
did i do this to myself?
the truth
cut me open.
no, i don’t mind;
in fact, it helps me feel
whole.
crack me like an egg.
and watch the remains
ooze out onto the table
again.
delve deep
into that black abyss,
and watch me die
inside.
but please,
don’t spare me.
give it to me
hard.
the only exception
I told you a secret,
a secret I didn’t mean to harbor.
you see, I didn’t believe,
in what I thought could never be.
but darling, you changed my mind,
and in doing so, proved me wrong.
now I cannot deny
all of these feelings I’ve tried to hide.
but somehow I do,
because I don’t want to lose you.
honestly, I’m afraid.
I’m afraid to lose your love.
so I...
Listen
“some say to survive this, you must be mad as a hatter.”